The Epic Of Specialty Coffee

Author: Grady Posted: February 3, 2010

In the days before the Green Siren, Commercial Coffee ruled over all the earth.  Yet some rebelled.  Hope emerged in the West, and Specialty Coffee became known to but a few.

And it came to pass that Dark Roast, Scourge of Complexity and Acidity’s Bane, rose up from among them, and made his abode in the Emerald City.  And behold, Second Crack was swallowed up in a cloud of smoke, and Varietal Distinction was laid waste.

Yet all was not in ruin.  The Green Siren made Specialty Coffee famed among all the people.  Sumatra and Sulawesi were Heroes of Old, Origins of Renown.  Yet the Empire of the Siren became corrupt, and did evil in the sight of the people.  She conquered many with Vanilla and Caramel, and by the Blender were many slain who did not resist.

And behold, the Micro-Roaster rebellion rose up among a remnant of the people.  Many Origins were called, and journeyed from the ends of the earth to be roasted by the Small Ones.  Guatemala and Ethiopia slew many.  Are not their deeds told in song?  Dark Roast began to falter, and his grip was loosed from the neck of the people.  Yet there are many who serve him to this day.

And Acidity shone out of the Darkness, and Complexity made himself known!  Varietal Distinction rose to life and was hailed among the people.  And many who had fallen away into Darkness returned to the Light.

Thus the Kingdom of Specialty Coffee was established.

7 Responses to “The Epic Of Specialty Coffee

  1. Zane says:

    When will hollywood buy the rights?

  2. lawrence says:


    what chapter brings in the Evil ECX, which helped destroy diversity, complexity and excellence of Varietal Distinction !!

    Long live the Yirgacheffian Kingdoms of Beloya and Aricha… Perhaps, they will rise AGAIN and fight the Evil ECX !!

  3. Kyle Wheeler says:

    It took me a second. Mermaid/Siren. Green. Dark roast. Aaand got it.
    Is this foreshadowing of the banishment of Inferno? That also would be an epic tale.

  4. Brian Thayer says:

    Hilarious. I don’t know if it would be more funny or less if it weren’t so true. By the way, thanks for the Turkish Coffee addition to BrewMethods.

  5. Tamara says:


  6. Coffee Mugged » Good News says:

    [...] Psalms in the Bible in our room. The way the Bible is written reminds me a lot of this hilarious Epic of Speciality Coffee. [...]

  7. Tyler says:

    love this post!! I want to see it done as spoken word.

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